When Perfectionism Becomes Problematic
How unhelpful perfectionism can hurt us and how to change it
Perfectionism often sounds like a positive trait — after all, what’s wrong with having high standards or wanting to do your best? But when perfectionism becomes rigid, unrelenting, and tied to your sense of self-worth, it can quickly become exhausting, isolating, and anxiety-provoking.
Many people seeking counselling in Edmonton come to therapy because perfectionism has started to negatively impact their mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. Unhelpful perfectionism can fuel anxiety, burnout, procrastination, and chronic self-criticism — leaving people feeling stuck in patterns that no longer serve them.
Let’s explore what unhelpful perfectionism looks like, why it’s so hard to change on your own, and how counselling can support you in building a healthier, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
When perfectionism is unhelpful or problematic
Unhelpful perfectionism is more than simply wanting to do well — it’s a pattern of harsh self-expectations, fear of failure, and difficulty feeling satisfied or “good enough.”
Signs of perfectionism might include:
All-or-nothing thinking (“If it’s not perfect, it’s a failure”)
Intense fear of making mistakes
Procrastination or avoidance because of fear of falling short
Difficulty accepting compliments or praise
Harsh inner criticism and self-blame
Constant comparison to others
Feeling like achievements are never enough
While striving for excellence can be healthy, unhelpful perfectionism often comes with significant emotional costs — including chronic anxiety, low self-esteem, and burnout.
The connection between perfectionism and anxiety
Perfectionism and anxiety are closely connected. The pressure to meet impossible standards can activate the body’s stress response, keeping people stuck in a cycle of worry, overthinking, and avoidance.
Some common patterns include:
Social anxiety: Worrying excessively about how you are perceived by others
Performance anxiety: Fear of failure in academic, work, or creative settings
Generalized anxiety: Constant worrying about outcomes, mistakes, or what could go wrong
Perfectionistic tendencies can also contribute to insomnia, people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, and burnout in both personal and professional life.
Perfectionism can be hard to let go of
Perfectionism often develops as a protective strategy. Many people develop perfectionistic behaviours in response to earlier life experiences where approval, love, or safety felt conditional on performance or success.
Letting go of perfectionism can feel threatening because it means confronting deep-seated fears about worth, belonging, and identity. For some, perfectionism becomes so ingrained that imagining life without it feels unfamiliar or unsafe.
This is where counselling can provide compassionate support and guidance.
Counselling for problematic perfectionism and anxiety
Counselling provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore the roots of perfectionism and develop new, healthier ways of relating to yourself.
Some approaches used in therapy for perfectionism and anxiety include:
Increasing self-awareness
Therapy helps you identify perfectionistic thought patterns, behaviours, and underlying beliefs. Gaining insight into these patterns is the first step toward change.
Challenging unhelpful thinking
Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques can help you reframe black-and-white thinking, reduce catastrophizing, and develop more balanced self-talk.
Practicing self-compassion
Learning to treat yourself with kindness (especially when things don’t go perfectly) is key to overcoming perfectionism. Therapy can guide you in building self-compassion skills.
Revising realistic expectations
Therapy supports you in setting healthy boundaries, clarifying values, and creating goals that reflect what matters most — not just what looks “perfect” from the outside.
Addressing underlying anxiety
Many therapists integrate mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), or somatic approaches to help regulate anxiety and build emotional resilience.
Healing from past experiences
For some, perfectionism is rooted in childhood emotional neglect, critical family dynamics, or trauma. Therapy provides space to process these experiences with care.
Counselling for perfectionism in Edmonton
If you find yourself struggling with unrelenting standards, anxiety, and self-criticism, know that you’re not alone. Working with a therapist can help you explore where perfectionism comes from and develop practical tools to create meaningful change.
At Mendable Psychology in Edmonton, we offer counselling for perfectionism, anxiety, and related concerns. Our approach is warm, collaborative, and grounded in compassion. We support adults who are ready to move away from exhausting perfectionism and toward greater self-acceptance, ease, and joy.
Whether you’re navigating workplace stress, relationship challenges, or personal growth, counselling provides a supportive space to explore new ways of living that are aligned with your values — not just perfectionistic expectations.
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this post and across this website does not, and is not intended to, constitute medical, mental health, or therapeutic advice; instead, all information, content, and materials available on this site are for general informational purposes only. This information does not create any therapeutic relationship and should not be used as a substitute for professional diagnosis and treatment. Consult with a licensed mental health provider for advice or support regarding diagnosis and treatment.
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- 10458 Mayfield Rd NW, Edmonton, AB
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